I hope I don’t have to crop out Phangiso

Things are getting very awkward for Aaron Phangiso.

The newly nationally-contracted Proteas player has yet to play a game at the Cricket World Cup even though he often finds himself with prime real estate in most of the #ProteaFire posters, even the ones which mention the venue where he didn’t play. He’s standing in the perfect position to be cropped.


Let’s be honest – the other players featured in the posters are regulars and would never be dropped during the course of the tournament unless an injury (sorry JP) or a Jonathan Trott-like stress illness besets them. Is it time to crop Phangiso out or will we see him face Ireland in the next game?

What can we expect from the Irish encounter? It’s not like the Proteas have given us anything consistent to go on so far. Their tournament has been a mixed bag of WTFs, LOLS, OMGs, and a few I NEED A STRONG DRINK BUT IT’S 7AM SO I CANTs. The game against Zimbabwe was more of a flicker than a #ProteaFire. The one against India was a fizzle and the West Indian clash was a bright but predictable blaze.

Would the team now risk an almost-wobble like the one we saw against Zimbabwe by fielding the guys who haven’t seen much game time? Kyle Abbott will probably get a run. His smile or grimace, I can never tell, hasn’t seen much poster-time. He did well against the West Indies. He got the wicket of Chris Gayle early, which is the bowling equivalent of AB De Villiers’ heroics with the bat.

Will they rest Imran Tahir and play Phangiso? We all know Tahir has put in the hard yards with his wicket celebrations so he deserves a break from being joyous.

Just as a precaution.


Set your alarm clocks for the first ball at 5:30am. You know the build-up will make you sleepy.


Wait there’s more…

Here’ a wonderful and recent Instagram snap of David Miller being talented and beautiful in his trendy jean pant in Australia

david miller


Winning the Cricket World Cup will damage the Proteas’ legacy

The worst thing that could happen to the Proteas team is winning the Cricket World Cup this year.

One could easily make the mistake of believing a World Cup trophy is a something that would be good for a nation and bring it together, but it is not. We are excellent at calling our team ‘chokers’ at any loss suffered against any team ever, that a win would mean having to lean on a terrible label like “bunch of winners.”

Winning a CWC trophy would also erode the legacy the South African teams have tirelessly built over the last 23 years. The only proud thing we’d have to show now is like, our democracy. From 1992 to present, we have the honour of having a World Cup Curriculum Vitae littered with fantastic braai conversations and sports columns of what went wrong. If we win the 2015 edition, we’d be left with nothing. Just a trophy and happy feelings. We can’t stand for that.

Herschelle Gibbs, Allan Donald, Shaun Pollock, Mark Boucher et al have served this nation well at the sport’s biggest showpiece – dropping catches, taking unfortunate run-outs, stumbling over their BODMAS and Duckworth-Lewis calculations (happens to the best of us)– ensuring everyone has enough ‘chokers’ material to fill up the red room in 50 Shades of Grey.

Let us not give the world and our great nation the satisfaction of a World Cup victory.

Donald is with the squad as a bowling coach in Australasia, and a World Cup win for him as part of this squad would mean a legacy destroyed. We can’t have this. Soon he’ll be known strictly for his bowling talent and not a crusher of dreams and childhoods everywhere. I don’t want to live in that world. I really hope he’s assisting the team with their running between the wickets too, and judging from their performance against India, I’m happy to say that he’s adding value in that department.

A CWC win means that the memorable 1999 run-out will hurt less and be bumped down in the list of SA cricket’s biggest moments. What will Supersport show now besides the 438 game for the trillionth time? They’ll show us hoisting a damn trophy a trillion times. Gives me nightmares.

To Father Abraham and the rest of the 2015 CWC squad, carry the torch for us. And then drop it like it’s 1999. Entertain those expats watching you in Australia with a loss, and show them that they’re right when they say, “It’s truly been downhill for South Africa since the early 90’s.”

*pans camera to Sachin Tendulkar. The real reason we cricket*