I hope I don’t have to crop out Phangiso

Things are getting very awkward for Aaron Phangiso.

The newly nationally-contracted Proteas player has yet to play a game at the Cricket World Cup even though he often finds himself with prime real estate in most of the #ProteaFire posters, even the ones which mention the venue where he didn’t play. He’s standing in the perfect position to be cropped.

melbourne

Let’s be honest – the other players featured in the posters are regulars and would never be dropped during the course of the tournament unless an injury (sorry JP) or a Jonathan Trott-like stress illness besets them. Is it time to crop Phangiso out or will we see him face Ireland in the next game?

What can we expect from the Irish encounter? It’s not like the Proteas have given us anything consistent to go on so far. Their tournament has been a mixed bag of WTFs, LOLS, OMGs, and a few I NEED A STRONG DRINK BUT IT’S 7AM SO I CANTs. The game against Zimbabwe was more of a flicker than a #ProteaFire. The one against India was a fizzle and the West Indian clash was a bright but predictable blaze.

Would the team now risk an almost-wobble like the one we saw against Zimbabwe by fielding the guys who haven’t seen much game time? Kyle Abbott will probably get a run. His smile or grimace, I can never tell, hasn’t seen much poster-time. He did well against the West Indies. He got the wicket of Chris Gayle early, which is the bowling equivalent of AB De Villiers’ heroics with the bat.

Will they rest Imran Tahir and play Phangiso? We all know Tahir has put in the hard yards with his wicket celebrations so he deserves a break from being joyous.

Just as a precaution.

tahir

Set your alarm clocks for the first ball at 5:30am. You know the build-up will make you sleepy.

-Sbosh

Wait there’s more…

Here’ a wonderful and recent Instagram snap of David Miller being talented and beautiful in his trendy jean pant in Australia

david miller

Winning the Cricket World Cup will damage the Proteas’ legacy

The worst thing that could happen to the Proteas team is winning the Cricket World Cup this year.

One could easily make the mistake of believing a World Cup trophy is a something that would be good for a nation and bring it together, but it is not. We are excellent at calling our team ‘chokers’ at any loss suffered against any team ever, that a win would mean having to lean on a terrible label like “bunch of winners.”

Winning a CWC trophy would also erode the legacy the South African teams have tirelessly built over the last 23 years. The only proud thing we’d have to show now is like, our democracy. From 1992 to present, we have the honour of having a World Cup Curriculum Vitae littered with fantastic braai conversations and sports columns of what went wrong. If we win the 2015 edition, we’d be left with nothing. Just a trophy and happy feelings. We can’t stand for that.

Herschelle Gibbs, Allan Donald, Shaun Pollock, Mark Boucher et al have served this nation well at the sport’s biggest showpiece – dropping catches, taking unfortunate run-outs, stumbling over their BODMAS and Duckworth-Lewis calculations (happens to the best of us)– ensuring everyone has enough ‘chokers’ material to fill up the red room in 50 Shades of Grey.

Let us not give the world and our great nation the satisfaction of a World Cup victory.

Donald is with the squad as a bowling coach in Australasia, and a World Cup win for him as part of this squad would mean a legacy destroyed. We can’t have this. Soon he’ll be known strictly for his bowling talent and not a crusher of dreams and childhoods everywhere. I don’t want to live in that world. I really hope he’s assisting the team with their running between the wickets too, and judging from their performance against India, I’m happy to say that he’s adding value in that department.

A CWC win means that the memorable 1999 run-out will hurt less and be bumped down in the list of SA cricket’s biggest moments. What will Supersport show now besides the 438 game for the trillionth time? They’ll show us hoisting a damn trophy a trillion times. Gives me nightmares.

To Father Abraham and the rest of the 2015 CWC squad, carry the torch for us. And then drop it like it’s 1999. Entertain those expats watching you in Australia with a loss, and show them that they’re right when they say, “It’s truly been downhill for South Africa since the early 90’s.”

*pans camera to Sachin Tendulkar. The real reason we cricket*

The Crop Top Diaries takes a dive

I’ve fallen off. I’ve fallen off like a clumsy treadmill user who tries to up the gradient too quickly. I’ve been travelling a lot lately for work and for fun – lots and lots of fun, and because of this, my gym schedule has been thrown off a bit. It’s sporadic and rushed and often days go by without me going.

Now that I’ve settled a bit, I think I’ll get back into it but it also shows how a change in routine can be detrimental to your get fit, get sexy mission. It’s like tripping – your rhythm will take time to get back to you again.

I also bought…. a swimming costume, and a swimming cap.  I have pretty bikinis which I wear on dry land to read books and take selfies. I hardly ever go into the water. But the gym, being the convent that it is, won’t let you wear a bikini so you’re forced to buy a ghastly swimming costume, which I did.

Manufacturers really need to reevaluate the size of these alleged swimming caps. They need to consider that some of us have manes like gods, not just a head of hair like mortals, and a tuft sticking out at the back because your sorry excuse for a swimming cap can’t cover my whole head is unacceptable, and frankly not cutesies.

I struggled with the swimming laps. I can swim pretty well so you can hold your judgment. It’s just that I don’t do it often. And swimming is pretty much the best thing for your body, but it doesn’t necessarily mean your body is ready. Completing a lap without stopping was like completing a degree. I think I gave a wave to my fans up their on their elliptical trainers as I finished each one.

I want to swim more because it really is a full body workout. And sharing  a lane with attractive water babies is nice too.

My diet has slipped a bit, but I’ll correct that. Winter, you bastard! I take no responsibility for what I eat during these cold, trying times – I blame the adverse weather conditions.

I thank you

-Sbosh

PS: I’ve lost about 2.5kg in the space of 6 weeks, for those who care about that stuff. But for me it really isn’t about weight loss but about getting stronger… and getting abs.

 

 

 

 

The Crop Top Diaries: I’ve survived the first month!

I know I haven’t posted in a few weeks, but you’ll be glad to know it’s because Ive been kicking ass and taking strides at the gym.

I realised that daily updates don’t work because this getting healthy thing is a marathon, not a sprint. And one of the few examples on earth where instant gratification is actually impossible.

My body is slowly adjusting to my gym route. I sleep better. I feel more awake when I’m awake and I walk with a strut and a swagger now because I’m in that small part of society that is doing something about their health – that wellness privilege. I hate myself when I don’t get to the gym, and go at least four times a week. I really thought people were lying when they said that you become addicted. You really do. You become addicted to feeling stronger.

I do enjoy the treadmill, but I’m starting to realise how dangerous it is. I am a horrible runner and I’ve been forcing issues with the treadmill. I’m that gym-goer hanging on for dear life trying to burn a calorie or two. Because of my poor treadmill technique and pushing myself a bit too hard over the last month (and also neglecting to stretch properly) my ankle has a bit of a niggle.

I HAVE A GYM INJURY

I’m now… an athlete. I’ve made it, surely? I may even need physio, or a bit of ice and rest, but I’ll go to a physio. They know how deal with these kinds of injuries amongst athletes like myself.

I also realised that my diet needed a major overhaul. I wasn’t eating badly before, but I wasn’t making conscious good food choices either. I grocery shopped aimlessly – getting the things that always felt like staples – including bread. Now I’ve drastically cut down on my consumption of bread. It’s been hard because bread is life.They tell water is, but that is one of the greatest lies of our generation. I’m hanging in there. Processed sugars have also had to get the chop. I’m not going cold turkey with that, just gradually decreasing my intake. I may turn into Medusa soon.

Here’s to May!

Sbosh

PS: To the gym couple that argued in the middle of the gym Kauai this past month while the rest of us were trying to find some peace and abs… for shame!

 

 

 

The Crop Top Diaries: One week of gym down, a lifetime to go…

You’re lucky I’m not one of those people who post gym selfies everyday. I choose to bombard you with word selfies instead.

I’m proud to say that I went to the gym four times this past week, and there was one day where I even considered going twice (Friday). I chose not to because I was advised to not push myself too hard just yet, because I haven’t tasted any kind of physical activity in 3 years and overdoing it could lead to serious injury or even death. Ok maybe not death, but sometimes it feels like it. I also avoided it because there was cricket on and  I had a birthday braai to go to.

It was also the first time that I had measured my height and weight since varsity. It seems Cape Town has been really, really good to me and the Crop Top Diaries is necessary to counter this. My height lets me get away with a lot of things, and I must stop being a complacent long person.

I will be going to my second Zumba class this week, and hopefully this time I won’t be late and bullied to the front row, and also the instructor won’t laugh loudly through his mic at my very weak arms. Small steps.

I do enjoy the circuit, because it is one of the places where you feel you’re getting stronger by the minute. The human body is truly remarkable, and I’m ashamed that it has taken me so long to see what it can do.

Wish me luck for my second week. There may be pics of me on a stretcher come Friday. I’m sore everywhere all the time, and I can’t remember the last time I climbed stairs without flinching like I’m walking on hot coals. As I type this, I cannot feel anything from the waist down. Gym Brus would be so proud.

The Crop Top Diaries: 10 things you notice on your first day at the gym

 

  1. The unfittest people have the best workout gear
  2. A Zumba instructor will make you stand in the front row of a class if you’re late
  3. The creepiest gym people keep their jackets on when they exercise
  4. In a Zumba class, the most rhythmic girls are white
  5. Teacher’s pet in a fitness class = the one who sweats the most
  6. 90% of gym goers are attractive
  7. No one greets
  8. Wearing Nike gives you an air of credibility
  9. There are small children who are fitter than you
  10. Gym pools are the unsexiest places on earth

 

GUEST BLOG: No small feat – Ncinci runs 200m in 20.54s at Athletics meet

By Teboho Moleko

(MSocSci candidate (International Relations) Rhodes University)

On Friday night I had the privilege to witness the start of something great. Ncinci Titi a young man from the Eastern Cape ran a breathtaking 20.54 seconds in the 200m at the Athletics Gauteng North (AGN) Provincial Championship. I believe this young man has the hallmarks of greatness. Perhaps you might be wondering what qualifies me to make these claims. Nothing.

Nonetheless, the story I am about to document, of this young man’s recent life will most likely compel you to take me seriously.

Ncinci Titi's fast feet could take him to the top

Ncinci Titi’s fast feet could take him to the top

Ncinci Titi comes from an athletic family. His older brother and sister broke the 100m records at their respective high schools yet neither pursued athletics post-high school. Ncinci attended Selborne College in East London were he was catapulted into a rivalry with Anaso Jobodwana. A rivalry I am certain added to the development that led to the latter becoming an Olympian. Ncinci Titi matriculated in 2011 and pursued his boyhood dream of being a pilot. However, in October 2013 after two years of pursuing his dream, his yearning for competitive athletics was reawakened and he subsequently joined the University of Pretoria’s athletic program.

After four months of training he ran a time of 21.21 in the 200m. A month later he ran a time of 20.9 and this past Friday he ran 20.54. For those of you who perhaps doubt how remarkable this time is, please divide it by two.

Ncinci has only had six months of professional training and these are the times he is running. I can only wonder what times he will be running in a year or so. In addition, should his high school rivalry with Jobodwana be reignited, South Africa could have a realistic chance of silverware in the 2016 and 2020 Olympic games.

What motivates you?

What motivates me…hmmm well mostly the satisfaction of seeing my own progression from the hard work I put in, day in day out and being the very best I can be in whatever I do.

What are your interests outside athletics?

I have a huge passion for aviation, which is what I decided to do straight after high school, the passion still is and forever will be there I just feel that my talent won’t be around forever and I wouldn’t be able to live with the thoughts of what could have been. I got blessed with talent so why not see my full potential

What goals have you set for yourself?

If I could compete with the best in the world and be the best I can be, that’s all I could ever ask for

What is your 100m time?

10.48

Is the 200m your favourite event or do you see yourself taking part in other events in the future?

Right now 200m is my favorite event I really do enjoy it and I’m fairly good at it but I could also consider 400m for endurance training but 200m is my main event

What does your recent form mean for your dreams of being a pilot?

It means the dream becomes more of a reality because when I eventually do retire from the track I hope that I’ll be financially capable of financing the training

You can find Ncinci Titi on Twitter: @GeezMix11