Nel-isms you can use in everyday life

gerrie

Gerrie Nel with his “I have no time for your fairytales” face

Here are a few of the gems State prosecutor Gerrie Nel unleashed in court this past week when he was cross-examining Oscar Pistorius.

I’ve created scenarios where you can reach for a Nel-ism or two in order to get to the truth or understand someone’s reasoning.

1. When you suspect your church-going Christian roommate has been borrowing your clothes without your permission and you confront them for answers…

NEL-ISM – “As a Christian, you will not lie?”

2. When you’re marking a student’s essay and they’ve completely missed what was asked of them in the paper…

NEL-ISM – “After that long argument, do you remember my question?”

3. When your man becomes defensive after he comes home late, when all you asked him is if he’d like a cup of tea…

NEL-ISM – “Why are you arguing and not answering?”

4. When you see a 10-page CV that still has high school references and achievements…

“You’ve got looong answers.. It’s not good for you.”

5. When you drive closely behind a slow driver in the fast lane…

NEL-ISM – “I’m not going to go away.”

6. When you drop random BODMAS on Twitter and everyone hates you

NEL-ISM – “Why are you emotional now that the question is difficult?”

7. When you confront your apologetic friend about them still doing the Sika le keke’ dance in 2014…

NEL-ISM – “Sorry is not an answer to why”

8. When you’re in the bedroom with your man, he kisses you, lets out a big sigh, says “I’m sorted, babe” and rolls over to sleep and you’re like…

NEL-ISM – You are saying for a fact your finger wasn’t on the trigger but a shot was discharged – that’s amazing , it cannot happen

9. When you look at yourself in the mirror and realise you haven’t showered in days..

NEL-ISM – This is the strangest day. You don’t take responsibility. You’re incapable of saying you’re wrong.

10. When you offer someone Smarties and they pour out half of your box…

NEL-ISM – “Are you done?”

11. When your roommate finishes your wine and tells you it wasn’t her, while holding a glass of wine, and you’re like…

NEL-ISM – “Your version is a lie.”

 12. When you’re busy tricking someone into staying on Higher Grade Maths even though they’re failing dismally…

NEL-ISM – “I don’t want to catch you out. I want to help you.”

13. When a short man offers to buy you a drink at the bar…

NEL-ISM – “You try, but it’s not working.”

14. When someone says they had fun while in Port Elizabeth…

NEL-ISM – “Your version is so improbable.”

This of course will be updated as the trial continues…

COURT ADJOURNED, COZ TEA. ALWAYS TEA.

 

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8 thoughts on “Nel-isms you can use in everyday life

  1. I’m not actually following the trial (conscientious objection), and read this because I thought it was about a friend’s witty family members, and this is probably the most I’ll absorb of the trial besides pushy those hungry headline placards on street poles, but this Nel guy seems like a powerhouse of a prosecutor. if not a little pushy.

  2. Nel is BAWSE! I stay telling people this! I put it to you that not even Barry Roux can save you from the predator that is Adv Gerrie Nel!

  3. Pingback: International Relations | Tipping Dominoes

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