What Kallis gets up to when he doesn’t feel like playing for the Proteas

The stats of the man speak for themselves.

It has actually been proven that no other stats speak louder than the stats of Jacques Henry They Flat-Out Refuse To Put Me Ahead Of Sir Garry Sobers Kallis.

It is said that the stats speak so loudly they can only be heard by animals like dogs and rodents, as all humans that compile these “All Time Greatest Ever To Walk On Water Favouritest Cricketers Lists…” never hear them. Jacques has built a phenomenal career by making lots of runs and taking lots of wickets. He has reached a point in his career where he can do whatever the hell he wants.


This is a list of activities Kallis does when he doesn’t feel like playing for the Proteas

1. Practises his legendary cover drive in front of a mirror

The great thing about practising cover drives in front of the mirror is that you cannot get out therefore you keep your records and prevent any and all comparisons to  Tendulkar. Kallis spends much of his time doing this.

2. Plays IPL

The great thing about the IPL is that it goes on forever. It is said the IPL is so long, people forget that there’s an actual winner at the end because they stopped watching it after week 37. So much cricket is played and Kallis makes sure he gets in plenty of game time for his team, the Kolkata Knight Riders, so that he can be fully prepared to not play for the Proteas.

3. Preparing for the 2015 World Cup

Kallis is preparing for cricket’s greatest showpiece after The Ashes, the IPL, when India plays, the Champions Trophy (RIP), the IPL T20 World Cup – the 2015 Cricket World Cup! He is said to be preparing himself by playing test matches for the Proteas and scoring as few runs as possible to preserve his strength and keep his fitness levels up. Kallis has expressed his desire to play in that World Cup and his experience in not playing ODI’s recently will be invaluable to the team.

4. Being a “presence” in the side

Anyone will tell you, having the presence of Kallis in your changing room is invaluable. He will not put pads on or hold a ball, but he will be a present. He will mentor and guide young players, while actively avoiding any and all kind of game time. And this is what the Proteas need right now, that presence. It won’t score you any runs, but it will motivate others to try really, really hard to score their runs.

Feel free to add any sightings of Kallis at the Kruger National Park, at a golf course or just taking a Sanex shower, here.

We are officially on Kallis watch.


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